i wake up one morning and say, “shit. this is what i look like.”

i know something then. something about myself. perhaps i always have.

i know i’m not what i could be if i dared not to care what others thought of me.

i know that my fundamentals will remain stashed in my slacks for the rest of my days. i know i’m ashamed of them. that i’d be locked away for indecent exposure if ever i showed them.

sighing feels like too much effort.

i stop looking in the mirror for fear of losing myself.

15 thoughts on “Identity

  1. It’s so hard not to care what others think! This is great, Tony. I’m sure we all feel like this sometimes. “sighing feels like too much effort” Yup.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. i hear many people say that they don’t care what others think all the time, then proceed by their words and actions to display the exact opposite of that. i suspect there may be many of us who do care too much. 😛

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Yes. I’ve seen that too. I think most people care, at least a little. I suppose it has to be that way for us to live together.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Tony… the depth to your soul-searching blog is incalculable.

    If it makes you feel any better… most who give a damn / are deeply introspective do try to identify who we are.

    My life being a bit of a train wreck… perhaps it is not my place to comment further?

    But… re my own attempts to make sense of my life… while I’d never claim to have all the answers… I’ve found laughter to be a good “therapy”… and clips like this one… oddly enough… do cheer me up. I hope it has the same effect on you.

    Of course if you’d rather not be cheered up… either post and don’t click… or trash my comment… trust me… the latter outcome would not offend me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. i LOVE this scene, tom. i think this is one of the best movies that monty python ever made! i love how this song plays out against the bleakness of their situation. (crucifixion, by all accounts, was an absolutely agonising way to die.) thank you, my friend. there’s no way i would trash this comment (or indeed any comment made by you). 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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