Medicate (be Happy or Else) [NSFW]

To prevent heartache do not breathe when ejected from the birth canal.

Better still, get born a lemon. No heart. No lungs. No feels or anything. Lemons don’t scream when they’re getting their insides screwed out by the twisty turny hand of fate.

Such a pity that you won’t even make for a cool, refreshing beverage. Your insides are, at best, an unpalatable mush. Emotions make you weak – you know that, don’t you? You’re unfit to whet the supping lips of beings more deserving of life than you.

Oozing failure as soon as squeeze you. No, it’s better if you weren’t a lemon at all. Be stillborn instead. You’d be good at that.

There was such joy when you came into the world. Look how you’ve let everyone down. Now, tell me again how you’re not going to swallow those pills. You should be ashamed.

45 thoughts on “Medicate (be Happy or Else) [NSFW]

  1. I guess lemonade won’t be the same even if I cautiously sip the sour. With that said I’m glad it’s not spelled lemon-aide. Do you sleep with every light off? I do, but I’m thinking for different reasons.
    This work was awesome btw! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. aw, thank you, my friend. it’s always a joy to see you here. i’m thinking about what your reasons for sleeping with the lights off might be. i do it in an attempt to still my roiling, twisty turny mind. 😛

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      1. Sleeping in darkness is like sleeping with the enemy. It reminds me of how things used to be, and how I’ve escaped. I have love for the darkness in a way that helps me stay ahead of it. Also, because of certain dysphoria things, I prefer not to see too much at times lol. But that will change, and I’ll be able to have a mostly harmonic relationship with the dark and myself. And yeah, I have to agree with your reasons, it can def help quiet anguish-y stuff 🙂

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  2. Such a heartfelt and powerful piece Tony. I feel sad when I read this but I am also glad that it is there and that I can. I don’t know if that makes sense. That the image is equal to your words is quite outstanding.

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    1. thank you, mark. i appreciate your thoughts here very much. this was written and drawn regarding a nine month period where i was taking antidepressants. they worked at first, but for the last five months or so they ceased to. i ended up with some nasty side effects such as being in an unbearably heightened state of anxiety. i felt like my insides were constantly trying to jump out of my skin. it was awful. and ironic really. the very thing that was meant to help… well, ended up being more harmful than what i was already going through. whether one is medicated or not, it just goes to show that there are no quick and easy fixes when it comes to depression.

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      1. I know how difficult it is Tony I really do. But if you weren’t who you are you wouldn’t do what you do and your work means so much to so many of us out here.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. thank you, mark. really. i mean that. what i do often feels so pointless, so it’s heartening that there are folks out there who may actually be getting some kind of comfort (or something) from it. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

    1. i hear you, nandita. these thoughts are rather alarming but they’re certainly thoughts i’ve had many times over the years. unfortunately, i do tend to listen to those lies in my head all too often. i’m learning not to but the road can be a rocky one. 🙂

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      1. Well, I hope you learn to listen to your heart more than your head, if not banish those thoughts altogether. Blast those pesky rocks with the dynamite of your heart. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I LOVED this – I always enjoy your posts and then every now and then, you put out a super-post. You gave a strong voice, I feel the urge to buy some spray paint and sharing this. Don’t take that in a bad way, or I guess that depends on what “bad” means these days. Peace, Harlon

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  4. Hi, Tony!
    Yes, I too have some wild and unruly thoughts, although they don’t often involve lemons, I must confess. Pomegranates, sometimes, but keep that to yourself… Personally I think that every single new day is a re-emergence from the womb, a struggle from sleep that is so like death, a chance to take a fresh lungful of terrifying oxygen and scream for all you’re worth. Choose to live, to keep on breathing, or demand to be shoved back into the womb (or duvet?) Some days, the duvet wins.
    I’m glad you liked my silly blog. Your writing is fresh, shocking, visceral. I think it’s a voice that needs to be heard in a novel…
    Keep writing!
    Alisha Bailie.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. alisha, your kind words have truly made my day. thank you! i’ll keep the pomegranates thing to myself, i promise. only you and i (and a small number of blog readers) shall know! 😛

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  5. This is WITHOUT DOUBT one of your absolute BEST. I freakin LOVE this so much Tony. Wow! I’m going to be re-reading this a LOT. Excellent! Truth!

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      1. it’s only because of the support of people such as yourself that i’m able to keep doing what i’m doing, c. and for that i’ll always be grateful. thank you thank you thank you! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  6. PS. Tony. It’s NEVER pointless. I feel the same way. BELIEVE ME I know that feeling. But I also know that in your case and this is all I can say and it’s 100 percent true, in your case, it is NEVER pointless. NEVER! EVER! EVER!

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      1. Some of us actually have pretty amazing aim, I’d say yours far surpasses the typical – you’re definitely one of the rainmakers T.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. There’s beauty in pain and it often makes for the best writing. Tony, thanks for being so loyal and liking the odd blog post I put out there. I think you’re quite the artist, someone special. I’d love to see that book too. Nothing you do is worthless. We all have that feeling sometimes, but that book, I swear I’ll be the first to buy it. I see your pictures in it too. And you know, I have a very strong feeling that fame and recognition awaits you.

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